{"id":658,"date":"2025-07-15T14:15:00","date_gmt":"2025-07-15T11:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alyaoztanyel.com\/?page_id=658"},"modified":"2025-07-16T22:11:10","modified_gmt":"2025-07-16T19:11:10","slug":"karanlik-lise-3-bolum-21","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/alyaoztanyel.com\/index.php\/karanlik-lise-3-bolum-21\/","title":{"rendered":"Karanl\u0131k Lise 3 – B\u00f6l\u00fcm 21"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u0f2f 21 \u0f2f <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

HEL\u0130N<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bo\u015flukta hissetmenin ne oldu\u011funu bildi\u011fimi san\u0131rd\u0131m. Yerinde olmayanlar\u0131n, bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc dolmayan bo\u015fluklar\u0131n verdi\u011fi rahats\u0131zl\u0131klarla b\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f biri olarak bunun nas\u0131l hissettirdi\u011fini \u00e7oktan \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015f oldu\u011fumu varsaym\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Belki de buna g\u00fcvenerek evden ka\u00e7m\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Apartmandan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m anda ba\u015fba\u015fa kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m sokakta tek arkada\u015f\u0131m s\u0131rt \u00e7antamd\u0131. Ba\u015fta annemle yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z konu\u015fman\u0131n hararetiyle att\u0131\u011f\u0131m kararl\u0131 ve h\u0131zl\u0131 ad\u0131mlar, ben evden uzakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a teredd\u00fct etmeye ba\u015flad\u0131lar. Yava\u015flam\u0131\u015f olmalar\u0131 i\u00e7imde y\u0131llarca birikmi\u015f, bast\u0131r\u0131lmaktan b\u0131km\u0131\u015f \u00f6fkemin dozunun azald\u0131\u011f\u0131 anlam\u0131na gelmiyordu. Her saniye yenisi beliren sorular o kadar yo\u011funlard\u0131 ki beni ilerlemekten al\u0131koyuyorlard\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u015eimdi nerede kalacakt\u0131m? Daha da \u00f6nemlisi nereye gidiyordum?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yava\u015f y\u00fcr\u00fcmek s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 yaratmamaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda a\u011f\u0131rdan ald\u0131m. Kalbimin bana hat\u0131rlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fma korkusuna ald\u0131rmadan, heykeli izleyen banka oturdum. Yine parka gelmi\u015ftim. Kendimi burada bulmaktan hen\u00fcz s\u0131k\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Havan\u0131n kararmas\u0131yla saat ge\u00e7 oldu\u011funu fark etti\u011fim. Ka\u00e7 dakikam\u0131 sessizce, sadece orada \u00f6ylece oturarak ge\u00e7irdi\u011fimi hesaplayamad\u0131m. \u00dc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm ve nerede kalaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6zmek i\u00e7in daha fazla oyalanamazd\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cemre art\u0131k yoktu. Ona gidemeyece\u011fim kesindi. Akrabalar\u0131mdan zaten neredeyse hi\u00e7 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmedi\u011fim babam da dahil olmak \u00fczere kimden yard\u0131m istesem, an\u0131nda kendimi annemin kollar\u0131nda bulurdum. \u00c7\u0131kmazdayd\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7antam\u0131 bank\u0131n ucuna do\u011fru ittim ve bacaklar\u0131m\u0131 yukar\u0131 \u00e7ektim. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7antam\u0131n oldu\u011fu tarafa indirmeden \u00f6nce h\u0131rkam\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcn\u00fc kapatt\u0131m. Her ne kadar kapanmamas\u0131 i\u00e7in dirensem de a\u011flamaktan yorgun d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f olan g\u00f6zlerim a\u011f\u0131rla\u015ft\u0131lar. Parktaki bankta uzan\u0131yor olman\u0131n tehlikesi yorgunlu\u011fumu yenemedi\u011finde uyuyakald\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u0131z kaybolmu\u015f galiba!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alayc\u0131 bir ses tonu beni uyand\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131nda h\u0131zl\u0131ca yerimden do\u011fruldum. \u00c7antam\u0131 kendime \u00e7ektim ve ona sar\u0131ld\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Benden ya\u015f\u00e7a b\u00fcy\u00fck bir erkek, y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc tuttu\u011fu el feneriyle bana laf at\u0131yordu. “Annene k\u0131z\u0131p evden mi ka\u00e7t\u0131n yoksa?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu kadar spesifik olmalar\u0131, t\u00fcm piercing ve d\u00f6vmelerinden daha \u00e7ok korkutmu\u015ftu. G\u00f6z\u00fcme giren beyaz \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n izin verdi\u011fi kadar\u0131yla kalabal\u0131k olduklar\u0131n\u0131 se\u00e7ebiliyordum. Onlardan uzakla\u015fmak i\u00e7in aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131m. Park\u0131n \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131na do\u011fru y\u00f6neldi\u011fimde \u00fc\u00e7 tanesi \u00f6n\u00fcme ge\u00e7ti. Siyah h\u0131rkam\u0131n kap\u00fc\u015fonuyla ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 kapat\u0131p \u00e7antam\u0131 s\u0131rt\u0131ma takt\u0131m. Sanki yoklarm\u0131\u015f gibi onlar\u0131 g\u00f6rmezden gelmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Acelen ne? Daha yeni tan\u0131\u015f\u0131yorduk. Buraya s\u0131k gelir misin?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Bence gelmez. Baksana, gayet temiz g\u00f6z\u00fck\u00fcyor.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Biz de temiz g\u00f6z\u00fck\u00fcyoruz Kaan, sadece sen pis g\u00f6z\u00fck\u00fcyorsun.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Sadece g\u00f6z\u00fckm\u00fcyor, \u00f6yle de kokuyor.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hey! Seni k\u0131z arkada\u015f\u0131na \u015fik\u00e2yet edece\u011fim.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Onu bulursan bana da haber ver, d\u00fcn yine ba\u015fka bir herifin tekiyleymi\u015f.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hangisiyle? Yine o otuz ya\u015f\u0131ndaki adamla m\u0131?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hay\u0131r karde\u015fim, motorcularla i\u015finin bitti\u011fini s\u00f6ylemi\u015fti. Yar\u0131\u015f\u00e7\u0131lara merak salm\u0131\u015f olabilir. Bilmiyorum.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ekibin ka\u00e7 ki\u015fiden olu\u015ftu\u011funu bilmiyordum ama aram\u0131zda sand\u0131\u011f\u0131m kadar ya\u015f fark\u0131 yoktu. Bu beni az da olsa rahatlatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u00c7ocu\u011fun elindeki feneri tutarak a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 indirdim. G\u00f6zlerim her k\u0131rpt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda ayn\u0131 beyaz \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6rmeye devam ediyordum. Umar\u0131m beni k\u00f6r etmemi\u015fti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“\u0130zin verirseniz gitmem gereken bir yer var,” dedim ve feneri tutanla ka\u015f\u0131nda piercing olan\u0131n aras\u0131ndan ge\u00e7erek y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye ba\u015flad\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Of be! Bu k\u0131z fena bir \u015fey!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“O kadar da de\u011fil, abartmay\u0131n.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“A\u011fz\u0131n\u0131n pay\u0131n\u0131 verdi ama, naber?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hem de nas\u0131l!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Park\u0131n \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131na dizilmi\u015f iki k\u00fcl\u00fcst\u00fcr arabadan biri doluydu. Beni ve arkamdaki tipleri g\u00f6r\u00fcnce arabadakiler a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya indiler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Taze birini bulmu\u015fuz bak\u0131yorum!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Az \u00f6nce An\u0131l’a haddini bildiren bir k\u0131z arkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131z, tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131ral\u0131m.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“\u0130smi ne?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hava art\u0131k iyice kararm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. D\u0131\u015far\u0131da bu kalabal\u0131k ve deli ekip d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda kimse yoktu. Sokak lambalar\u0131 sayesinde y\u00fczlerini g\u00f6rebildi\u011fim i\u00e7in \u015fansl\u0131yd\u0131m. K\u0131zl\u0131 erkekli bu gruptaki herkes gotik ve metalci gibi giyinmi\u015fti. Bana laf atanlar\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda herkes bir yandan birbiriyle de konu\u015fuyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hadi bize ismini s\u00f6ylesin.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Evet! Ad\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenmek istiyoruz!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7evremde adeta bir halka olu\u015fturmu\u015flard\u0131. Aralar\u0131ndan ge\u00e7emiyordum. Yakla\u015f\u0131k yirmi ki\u015fi olduklar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordum. Sakin kalmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Korktu\u011fumu anlamazlarsa belki de bana zarar vermezler diye umut ettim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Ben de yoluma gitmek istiyorum.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bana ad\u0131m\u0131 soranlara verdi\u011fim cevaptan sonra hepsi bir anda “Ooo!” diye ba\u011f\u0131rarak g\u00fclmeye ba\u015flad\u0131klar\u0131nda gerildim. Halka kalabal\u0131k oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in herkes birbirini itiyor, ister istemez alan\u0131m gittik\u00e7e daral\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parktaki \u00e7ocuk “Hepimiz istedi\u011fimizi alam\u0131yoruz bebe\u011fim,” dedi\u011finde hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden “Evet, baksana sevgilin birg\u00fcn motorcularla di\u011fer g\u00fcnse yar\u0131\u015f\u00e7\u0131larla tak\u0131l\u0131yor. K\u0131sacas\u0131 sen hari\u00e7 herkesle,” diyerek kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k verdim. Ciddiyet ve endi\u015feyle s\u00f6yledi\u011fim c\u00fcmle herkesin o kadar \u00e7ok ho\u015funa gitmi\u015fti ki iki-\u00fc\u00e7 tezah\u00fcrat bile ald\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elindeki feneri kapatarak yan\u0131ma gelen \u00e7ocuk kolunu omzuma att\u0131. “Seninle \u00e7ok yanl\u0131\u015f bir ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 yapm\u0131\u015f\u0131z. Buralar\u0131n en iyi laf sokan ablas\u0131 oldu\u011funu bilmiyordum. Fener i\u00e7in \u00f6z\u00fcr dilerim. Ben Yi\u011fit. “<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Omzumu silkip kolundan kurtulduktan sonra ona g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedim. “Bir daha olmas\u0131n Yi\u011fit.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u00f6yledi\u011fim her kelime ekipte bir \u00f6ncekinden daha g\u00fczel bir tepki yarat\u0131rken nedense kendimi rahat hissetmeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Parktaki korkum yerini sadece adrenalin ve meraka b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Yi\u011fit iyi oyundu karde\u015fim!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Yi\u011fit’i al\u0131r m\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z \u015furadan?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Yeni k\u0131z bizle gelsin!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T\u00fcm laf kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131nda bir k\u0131z sesi hepsini bast\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hey!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arkamdaki araban\u0131n i\u00e7inden gelen sesin sahibine bakmak i\u00e7in arkam\u0131 d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. S\u00fcr\u00fcc\u00fc koltu\u011funda oturan sar\u0131\u015f\u0131n k\u0131z, \u00fcst\u00fcndeki b\u00fcstiyer ve a\u00e7\u0131k tenine z\u0131t olarak s\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc koyu renk rujla \u00e7ok seksi g\u00f6z\u00fck\u00fcyordu. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131 baz\u0131 yerlerde ince \u015fekilde \u00f6r\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f, bir iki yerdeyse rasta yap\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Geri kalan\u0131 d\u00fcmd\u00fcz ve uzun olan sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 aln\u0131ndan ge\u00e7en siyah ve dantelli bir ta\u00e7la tamamlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sol elini kald\u0131r\u0131p camdan d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya \u00e7\u0131kartt\u0131. \u0130\u015faret parma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 beni yan\u0131na \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 belli edecek \u015fekilde bir iki kez hareket ettirdikten sonra cama do\u011fru e\u011fildim. K\u0131z \u00e7ok g\u00fczeldi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Ad\u0131n ne?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sigaradan dolay\u0131 de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015f olan sesi, akl\u0131m\u0131 oynatmama yeterli olacak kadar haval\u0131yd\u0131. Cevap vermeden \u00f6nce bir kez yutkundum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Helin.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Belki de s\u00f6yleyece\u011fim \u015fey \u00e7ok sa\u00e7mayd\u0131 ama o anda ad\u0131m\u0131 be\u011fenmesi i\u00e7in her \u015feyimi verirdim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Helin, bu ak\u015fam i\u00e7in kalacak bir yerin var m\u0131?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

K\u0131z\u0131n sesinin b\u00fcy\u00fcs\u00fcnden birka\u00e7 saniyeli\u011fine kendime gelip arkama bakt\u0131m. Birbiriyle sohbet eden k\u0131zlar, \u015fakala\u015fan o\u011flanlar, \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fen \u00e7iftler… Ba\u015f\u0131ma en k\u00f6t\u00fc ne gelebilirdi ki?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hay\u0131r yok.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Bizimle gelmek ister misin?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00f6zlerimi k\u0131z\u0131n dudaklar\u0131ndan ay\u0131rabildi\u011fim ilk anda g\u00f6zlerine bak\u0131p ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 olumlu anlamda sallad\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Atla o zaman.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ben araban\u0131n arka koltu\u011funa ge\u00e7erken di\u011fer herkes arka arkaya park etmi\u015f olan bu iki arabaya dolu\u015fmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Az \u00f6nceki pani\u011fimde sayd\u0131\u011f\u0131m ki\u015fi say\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n yar\u0131s\u0131 kadarl\u0131k bir \u00e7ete oldu\u011funu anlad\u0131m. G\u00fczel olan k\u0131z gaza bast\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 geriye do\u011fru yat\u0131rd\u0131m. Bir yere tutunma ihtiyac\u0131 hissetsem de hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapmad\u0131m. Gondola bindi\u011finde heyecan\u0131 doru\u011funda ya\u015famak i\u00e7in gidip en arkaya oturuyorsan, hareket etti\u011finde de ellerini havaya kald\u0131rmay\u0131 bilecektin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Solumda biri di\u011ferinin kuca\u011f\u0131nda oturan iki k\u0131z bana bak\u0131yordu. Sa\u011f cam kenar\u0131ndakiyse \u00f6ndeki koltukta oturan ikiliye koltu\u011fu biraz \u00f6ne almalar\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Araban\u0131n dikiz aynas\u0131nda beni aralar\u0131na davet eden k\u0131zla g\u00f6z g\u00f6ze geldi\u011fimde hemen ba\u015fka bir yere bakt\u0131m. Birka\u00e7 saniye bekledikten sonra ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131p yeniden aynaya bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda h\u00e2l\u00e2 beni izledi\u011fini g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Yola bakmal\u0131yd\u0131, yoksa kaza yapacakt\u0131k.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130\u00e7inde ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 ki\u015fi say\u0131s\u0131na ald\u0131rmadan birbiriyle yar\u0131\u015fmaya ba\u015flayan iki araba, sonuna kadar a\u00e7\u0131lan m\u00fczi\u011fin sesiyle art\u0131k bir uyu\u015fturucudan farkl\u0131 de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u015eark\u0131y\u0131 s\u00f6yleyen adam, evinin art\u0131k yuva olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131yla ilgili \u00f6fkesini g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc sesiyle m\u00fczi\u011fine yans\u0131t\u0131yordu. Ba\u011f\u0131rarak s\u00f6ylerken nas\u0131l bu kadar g\u00fczel duyulabildi\u011fini anlamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“\u015eark\u0131n\u0131n ad\u0131 ne?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yan\u0131mdaki iki k\u0131z\u0131n sesimi ilk defada duyabilece\u011fine inand\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in kendimi aptal gibi hissettim. \u00dcsttekini d\u00fcrt\u00fcp bana bakmas\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flad\u0131m. G\u00fcl\u00fcmseyerek bana bakt\u0131. \u015eark\u0131y\u0131 s\u00f6ylerken g\u00fczel vakit ge\u00e7iriyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“\u00c7alan \u015fark\u0131n\u0131n ad\u0131n\u0131 biliyor musun?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 evet anlam\u0131nda sallad\u0131. “Three Days Grace \u2013 Home<\/em>. Evden ka\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131n o kadar belli oluyor ki!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bunun dalga ge\u00e7ilecek bir \u015fey olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131yla ilgili teredd\u00fctlerim vard\u0131 ama utanmay\u0131 sonraya erteleyecektim. Yandaki araban\u0131n camlar\u0131ndan d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya sarkanlar\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce g\u00fcld\u00fcm. Yan\u0131mdaki cam\u0131 alttaki kolu \u00e7evirerek a\u00e7t\u0131m. R\u00fczg\u00e2r bizim h\u0131z\u0131m\u0131za ayak uydurmu\u015ftu. Kap\u00fc\u015fonumu arkaya d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u00fcp sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7oktan serbest b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00dc\u00e7 camdan da sarkanlar v\u00fccutlar\u0131n\u0131n yar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya \u00e7\u0131kart\u0131p bacaklar\u0131n\u0131 i\u00e7eride b\u0131rakacak \u00e7ekilde cama oturmu\u015flard\u0131. Araban\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde bulunan, normalde kayak tak\u0131mlar\u0131 i\u00e7in kullan\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm tavan barlar\u0131na tutunarak ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131p \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131yor, k\u00fcf\u00fcr ediyor, bildikleri yerlerde bizim arabadan \u00e7\u0131kan ve t\u00fcm \u015fehri inleten \u015fark\u0131ya kat\u0131l\u0131yor, sonra tekrar k\u00fcf\u00fcr ediyorlard\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Onlarda farkl\u0131 olan bir \u015fey vard\u0131. Cemre’de g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc sand\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn ta kendisini ya\u015f\u0131yorlard\u0131. Ona bamba\u015fka bir tan\u0131m getirip eskisini unutmama neden olmu\u015flard\u0131. G\u00f6zlerini kapat\u0131p kendilerini ya\u015fam\u0131n de\u011fil, kendi h\u0131zlar\u0131na b\u0131rak\u0131rken g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Mutlulard\u0131. \u0130\u015fte farkl\u0131 olan \u015fey buydu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Sen de \u00e7\u0131kmak istiyor musun?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Az \u00f6nce \u015fark\u0131n\u0131n ad\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yleyen, sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 iki yanda toplam\u0131\u015f k\u0131z kula\u011f\u0131ma e\u011filip bunu sordu\u011funda ne diyece\u011fimi bilemedim. “Ne? Nas\u0131l?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Sen de \u00f6yle oturmak ister misin? Ger\u00e7ekten \u00e7ok e\u011flenceli!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 yana \u00e7evirip her t\u00fcrl\u00fc tehlikeyi g\u00f6ze alan delilere bakt\u0131m. “B\u00fcy\u00fck ihtimalle d\u00fc\u015ferim!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hay\u0131r d\u00fc\u015fmezsin! Biz seni tutar\u0131z! Hadi, dene!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Bu araban\u0131n da \u00fcst\u00fcnde tutulacak yer var m\u0131 bilmiyorum!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Var, var! Hadi! \u015eark\u0131 bitmeden ba\u011f\u0131rmaya ba\u015flasan iyi olur!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dikiz aynas\u0131ndan arabay\u0131 kullanan g\u00fczel k\u0131za bakt\u0131m. Ben yukar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karken hi\u00e7 de yava\u015flayacakm\u0131\u015f gibi durmuyordu. D\u00fc\u015fersem benim i\u00e7in duracaklar\u0131n\u0131 da sanm\u0131yordum. Sadece yeni bir cesetle u\u011fra\u015fmalar\u0131 gerekirdi \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hadi! Ne bekliyorsun, \u00e7antan\u0131 yere koysana!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7antam bacaklar\u0131m\u0131n aras\u0131ndan g\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc olarak yere kaym\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Oturdu\u011fum yerden kalkmak gitti\u011fimiz h\u0131zda zor olmu\u015ftu ama koltuklardan destek almak i\u015fimi kolayla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131yordu. V\u00fccudumu onlara do\u011fru d\u00f6nd\u00fcrd\u00fckten sonra kal\u00e7am\u0131 cam\u0131n alt k\u0131sm\u0131na yakla\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131m. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 e\u011ferek d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya \u00e7\u0131kartmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131mda k\u0131z beni h\u0131rkamdan \u00e7ekerek kendine yakla\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“\u00d6yle \u00e7\u0131kamazs\u0131n! \u00d6nce ba\u015f\u0131n ve omuzlar\u0131n!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adrenalin t\u00fcm damarlar\u0131mda pompalan\u0131rken bir yaz gecesiymi\u015f\u00e7esine her \u015fey daha s\u0131cak geldi. H\u0131rkam\u0131n fermuar\u0131n\u0131 indirdim ve araban\u0131n ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 anl\u0131k virajlara sava\u015f a\u00e7arcas\u0131na y\u00fcz\u00fcm h\u00e2l\u00e2 araban\u0131n i\u00e7ine d\u00f6n\u00fckken ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya \u00e7\u0131kartt\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u00fczi\u011fin nakarat\u0131 yeniden dinleyenleri ve i\u00e7inde ya\u015fayanlar\u0131yla bulu\u015ftu\u011funda s\u00f6zleri ba\u011f\u0131ranlar da artm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Arka koltukta kucak kuca\u011fa oturan k\u0131zlardan \u00fcstteki benim yerime ge\u00e7mi\u015fti. Ben tam olarak cama oturana kadar belimi koruyordu. Di\u011feri ise bacaklar\u0131m\u0131 \u015fimdiden tutmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcm ve karn\u0131m da art\u0131k \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn tad\u0131n\u0131 almaya benimle \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kal\u00e7am\u0131 iyice sabitledim. Dengemi koruyabilmek i\u00e7in araban\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcndeki \u015ferite s\u0131k\u0131ca tutundum. Sonunda nefes almay\u0131 hat\u0131rlayabilmi\u015ftim. Belimin yan\u0131ndan ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kartan k\u0131z “\u0130yi misin?” diye sordu\u011funda ona verecek daha g\u00fczel bir yan\u0131t bulamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hi\u00e7 bu kadar iyi olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u015eark\u0131daki adam t\u00fcm gitarlar\u0131n, baterinin ve bas\u0131n durdu\u011fu anda \u0130ngilizce olarak “Ben yaln\u0131zken daha iyiyim!” diye hayk\u0131rmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Dengeme g\u00fcvenerek bir elimi tutundu\u011fum \u015feritin \u00fcst\u00fcnde gev\u015fettim. Yava\u015f\u00e7a geriye do\u011fru \u00e7ektikten sonra a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 indirmek yerine yukar\u0131 kald\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00f6zlerimi kapatt\u0131m. Parmaklar\u0131mdan ak\u0131p giden h\u0131z, beni istedi\u011fim yere g\u00f6t\u00fcrecekmi\u015fcesine ta\u015f\u0131yordu. Avcumda b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 etki t\u00fcm v\u00fccuduma yay\u0131l\u0131yor, bana her saniye daha da heyecan veriyordu. Tatmin edememekten, mutlu olamamaktan b\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m hayat\u0131m\u0131 geride b\u0131rak\u0131p onlardan ka\u00e7\u0131yordum. Ka\u00e7\u0131yor olmak beni parktayken sadece bir korkak yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ama art\u0131k \u00f6yle de\u011fildim. Burada onlarla olmak, birka\u00e7 dakika ge\u00e7irmek bile beni bir ku\u015f kadar \u00f6zg\u00fcr k\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bu h\u0131z yan\u0131mda oldu\u011fu s\u00fcrece can\u0131m\u0131 s\u0131kan ne varsa u\u00e7up gidebilirdi. Sadece kanatlar\u0131m\u0131 a\u00e7mam yeterli olacakt\u0131. \u00c7\u0131rpmama, \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nmama, u\u011fra\u015fmama, yorulmama, dans etmeme, keman \u00e7almama, istenilenleri yapmama gerek kalmayacakt\u0131. R\u00fczg\u00e2r her \u015feyi kendili\u011finden hallediyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T\u00fcm enstr\u00fcmanlar ayn\u0131 anda vokale geri d\u00f6n\u00fcp o muhte\u015fem nakarat\u0131 bir kez daha \u00e7almaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda sar\u0131 \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131n ayd\u0131nlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 uzun, gri bir t\u00fcnele girmi\u015ftik. Hayatlar\u0131 boyunca benim gibi uyumsuz olarak s\u0131fatland\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f insanlar\u0131n bir o kadar uyum sa\u011flayan korosu ve art\u0131k maksimum seviyeye \u00e7\u0131kart\u0131lm\u0131\u015f m\u00fczik sistemi, t\u00fcnelin silindirik duvarlar\u0131ndan yank\u0131lanarak bize hoparl\u00f6r g\u00f6revi g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde di\u011fer kanad\u0131m\u0131 da serbest b\u0131rakt\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Omuzlar\u0131mdan d\u00fc\u015fen h\u0131rkama ald\u0131rmadan r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131n \u00e7\u0131plak omuzlar\u0131mla tan\u0131\u015fmas\u0131na izin verdim. Hayat\u0131 boyunca kimseye g\u00fcvenememi\u015f, g\u00fcvendi\u011finde ise aldat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f biri olarak hi\u00e7 tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m iki \u00e7atlak k\u0131za hayat\u0131m\u0131 emanet ederken ilk riski ilk kez tad\u0131yordum. Kendimi bildim bileli g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcmde olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 varsayd\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir \u015feyin sonunda atmaya ba\u015flamas\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flayan, dar ve ask\u0131l\u0131 bluzumden ge\u00e7erek beni \u00fcrperten tehlikeydi. \u0130lk kez duydu\u011fum bir \u015fark\u0131ya beni \u00e2\u015f\u0131k edense hissettiklerimi notalara ve s\u00f6zc\u00fcklere d\u00f6kebilmi\u015f iyi bir gruptu. San\u0131r\u0131m hayat\u0131mda bir daha bunlardan fazlas\u0131na ihtiya\u00e7 duymayacakt\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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22. B\u00f6l\u00fcme Git<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u0f2f 21 \u0f2f HEL\u0130N Bo\u015flukta hissetmenin ne oldu\u011funu bildi\u011fimi san\u0131rd\u0131m. Yerinde olmayanlar\u0131n, bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc dolmayan bo\u015fluklar\u0131n verdi\u011fi rahats\u0131zl\u0131klarla b\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f biri olarak bunun nas\u0131l hissettirdi\u011fini \u00e7oktan \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015f oldu\u011fumu varsaym\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Belki de buna g\u00fcvenerek evden ka\u00e7m\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Apartmandan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m anda ba\u015fba\u015fa kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m sokakta tek arkada\u015f\u0131m s\u0131rt \u00e7antamd\u0131. Ba\u015fta annemle yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z konu\u015fman\u0131n hararetiyle att\u0131\u011f\u0131m kararl\u0131 ve h\u0131zl\u0131 ad\u0131mlar, ben […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-658","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alyaoztanyel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/658","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alyaoztanyel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alyaoztanyel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alyaoztanyel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alyaoztanyel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=658"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/alyaoztanyel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/658\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":668,"href":"https:\/\/alyaoztanyel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/658\/revisions\/668"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alyaoztanyel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=658"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}